Santa wants a girl who can beat him up.

Today was fucking awesome!

Okay, the rest of the week was OK, but compared to today, it fucking pales in comparison. And today isn't even over yet! I get to go to WNUR and rock the shit out of the place.

Right now my face and mouth are numb. I just got back from karaoke in Chinatown...and karaoke is fucking awesome. I guess it helps if you have a beer or ten in you, but it was the first time I did it, ever, and if you can find a song you know the rhythm to pretty well, it's a ton of fun. Of course, all the other ortho people I was with chicken-shitted out and left, most without singing anything.

I'm sure it helped that I was wearing a Santa suit, but I did something like five songs after they left, and at the end the Chinese people in the bar were all applauding. I think that's good, either for my singing voice or my gigantic balls. And judging from the fact that I was hoarse from shouting at people all day, it must have been the cojones. (Although, truth be told, it's easier to fuck up in front of strangers than people you see every day)

All told, karaoke is fucking awesome. If anyone wants to go with me anytime, just throw it down and I'm there.

I hit the Broken Spoke at noon for the Santa Cycle Rampage. And what a Rampage it was. Santa had a nice breakfast of fried egg sandwich and bloody mary (with beer chaser) before taking a leak and heading out to the street with his Santa compatriots. Another Santa had a minikeg on his bike trailer, and this Santa filled his bike bottle from it.

Santas then headed down Grand to Binny's. After heading in for Santa provisions, which for this Santa included Young's Old Nick barley wine and some apple lambic as well as a bottle of Duchesse de Bourgogne, Santas hung out in the parking lot and played bicycle games and sang along to songs like the Chipmunks' "What I Want for Christmas" and Dead Kennedys' "Holiday in Cambodia" until the Binny's grinch/manager kicked the Santas out.

Santas then headed down to Navy Pier, wishing all a Merry Christmas, Happy Channukah, or Happy Kwanzaa (although there weren't really any African people visible). At the pier, Santas rode to the end, and that's where this Santa really had to relieve his bladder, so he took another leak off the end of the pier. Right after he started, a tour boat started going by. Many Santas were waving, but this one was waving a little differently as he finished his micturatory adventure.

Santas also met some Navy girls, who coincidentally were visiting Navy Pier. Santa remarked that Navy girls are hot in Navy uniforms. Santa also remarked that girls in uniforms are hot, and that Santa wants a girl who can beat him up.

Santas rode around the Magnificent Mile, and even though Santas were wishing the Chicago PD a Merry Christmas, they still stopped two Santas and gave them tickets for having open containers. Santas feel containers should be open so the joy within can be utilized and shared.

Santas also climbed the "moose" statue at Tribune Plaza (Santa prefers to think of it as a reindeer statue) and Santa had to jump down when the cops showed up. Cops don't seem to like Christmas, Channukah, or Kwanzaa. Santas also visited Daley Plaza and the porto-potties there, and Santa consumed plenty of apple lambic there. After talking with some bad-ass skater kids about how bad-ass Santa is, Santas rode over to Carson's and travelled the magic stairs up to the top floor for a picture with the store Santa.

On the way down Santa stopped with a few other Santas to hump a few Christmas trees (and a Santa humped this Santa on a store bed too). At that point Santa had to leave his compatriots to head to Chinatown.

............................

I know I haven't posted much this last week, but really, it sucked, what with studying too much for easy tests and missing Jeremy Enigk's show at Double Door Wednesday night.

I did get to meet up with Dani though, and we talked for over three hours the other night, over food and beers. It was so good to see her; I don't even realize how much I miss her until I see her. So I guess Thursday night was pretty fucking awesome too.