When the bell tolls, I'll be fine; they say that living is a lot like dyin'.

For some reason I can't figure out, I'm feeling depressed. In need of sleep, surely, and I'm feeling pretty tired. It may just be that my exhaustion is playing with me. I'm running so close to the edge these days that I'll fall asleep despite being in active situations where I can normally hack it.

And the scary part is that I can't see an end to it soon. Even when I'm on vacation next week I'm gonna be going crazy to meet people and I'm sure I'll enjoy it, but damn will I need to rest up from it. That's almost what weekends are for, right? Mine sure don't feel that way.

It's weird how music can act synergistically with emotion. Songs that might normally make my chest want to burst right now make me want to implode. Maybe it's not synergy. Maybe I just want to feel so full again that its lack is emptiness by comparison.

I find it hard to get off my ass and do anything. I can't even vegetate. It's so weird. I suppose I could sleep right now, but I'd end up feeling listless. I've got plenty of things I need to do, and I'm going to get to them as soon as I'm done writing this, and hopefully just the labor will be enough to motivate my motivation.

Quote of the day: "Fuck the Bible." - Bernie Schneider

I find it odd that Shana is so friendly with me. I mean, I try to be nice, but I do tease her about things all the time, and aside from being classmates we have almost nothing in common. I'm not complaining, as I'll take all the friends I can get - and appreciate them - but it's just unusual.

I added to my "no more drinking alone" rule. Now there are two rules for Darren's alcohol consumption:
1) No more drinking alone
2) No more drinking to get drunk

This doesn't mean I won't get drunk; it means I won't set out to get drunk. The drunkenness will be incidental to the consumption of high quality alcoholic drinks with high quality [alcoholic] company. I just don't like myself that way. It's stupid. And the stupidity on my part occurs before the stupor. I find I was using alcohol as a crutch and image enhancer and it really didn't help at all. If anything, it facilitated the self-destructive behavior I wanted to indulge in anyway. I don't really care if other people think I'm a drunk, but I don't want to be one, and I could easily see myself heading down that road. Plus there have been conversations and situations of which the veracity of my recollections are questionable, and I miss that. And it totally degrades my artistic side.

Plus, I can be silly, rude, loud, and entertaining stone sober.

The new Heavens album is like Matt Skiba fronting The Cure. Which is to say it's got its great moments and its not-so-great moments.